This is where your own journey begins. It is time of letting go of the darkness the negativity and criticism. It’s time to take care of you, put yourself on the map for once. You will need your energy, from now on.
You have been conditioned to not think about you. You are always thinking about and working for the psychopath. Always walking on eggshells. What will they criticize today, what will I do wrong today? What will they need from me? The moment you realize that you exist, that your voice is important, that you occupy space too on the planes, it’s one of the best feelings.
So. Let’s assume you are free from the psychopath or narcissist. That is a lot. In and of itself. Hats off. Well done. Don’t be afraid of realizing that you were a victim. It’s the first step towards getting your energy back.
If you want to start your recovery process with the right foot then no contact is your friend. Reduce all communications. Everything. Social media, phone, text, whatsapp, everything.
If you have children e-mails will do. Sometimes the phone is a good alternative but in my experience communicating by phone especially at the beginning is too much contact, and that can make you go back to square one in a second during this initial phase.
Your identity is not there anymore. It’s a memory of who you used to be. You doubt yourself a lot, you may even feel numb, and almost every night (at 2 or 3 am maybe?) your inner critic pays a visit reminding you of the narcissist’s judgement, false accusations and emotional neglect that you endured for months, years, decades.
Let go of that darkness.
It takes time and work.
- No Contact
- Learn about narcissism, abusive behaviors, manipulative techniques. Learn about what happened to you. Read Psychopath Free by Jackson Mc. Kenzie and In Sheep’s Clothing by Dr. George Simon
- Treat your CPTSD symptoms in therapy
- Mindfulness. I released a video with exercises you can do to be more aware of the present moment.
- Self care. If you are angry. Feel it. Be angry. If you can express it through a sport or go for a walk in nature, release that anger, write it down. Writing this will help you in the future if you ever have doubts and you start projecting your own goodness onto the abuser and only remembering the good times. This journal that you wrote while angry will keep you real, grounded, and will remind you of all the abuse you went through and endured.
Eat healthily. Eat protein in the morning. And reduce caffein intake. Maybe just have one coffee in the morning and that’s it. Drink lots of water. That helps you flush your system of cortisol the stress hormone. Do Yoga. It’s been proven to reduce the effects of abuse on the amygdala.
Work on your self esteem, work on deconstructing how you ended up with a psychopath. Look at the red flags. Again. Dr Simon’s book In Sheep’s Clothing is a great resource.
Time and self care will help you regain your energy. All these things together, exercise.
But remember before all this to be compassionate with yourself. You’ve been deeply violated. This is a violation of the spirit. Your innocence, your trust has been corrupted. You have seen darkness and decadence. You have given everything until there was nothing more. You need to care for your self like you’ve never done it before. Train. Train your mind. Train your body with mild exercise.
Reach out for your friends, your friends of life. Those that stood by you through thick and thin. If you are lucky you have one or maybe two. If not a member of your family. And if not. Go to survivor meetings in your area. Go to counseling.
I assure you with the help of all those things you will find your self again. Different. Never the same. More mature, less innocent but even more compassionate, and empathic than ever before. You will be evolved enough to give your superpowers of empathy and love and kindness only to those who have proved to you that they are worthy of your empathy, love and kindness.